Archive for the ‘ Bunk ’ Category

An Apology

Advertisements

Borges meets Bukowski: A run down Pretension Street

«Desvarío laborioso y empobrecedor el de componer vastos libros; el de explayar en quinientas páginas una idea cuya perfecta exposición oral cabe en pocos minutos»

Well, that’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it.

 

Ch 1- Dexter Blackstock lay back, groaning. Shit, he thought, did I give enough warning when I shot my load? Only if a couple of bursts of Oh FUCK about a millisecond beforehand counts.

What a cunt.

Hi couldn’t help but giggle as her slightly teary eyes made for hy chest. A couple of neck kisses, and then silence, ostensibly contented but who could be sure? A guilty forehead kiss – too patronising? Fuck it, let’s go to sleep. Continue reading

Netball – The World’s Most Pointless Sport?

Say what you like about Ultimate Frisbee, but there’s no denying that it is unique. It may not count as a sport if you play rugby or football, but there is no other team game out there which is played with a Frisbee. Netball, however, has a vastly superior and far cooler older brother called basketball, of which everyone in the world is aware, and yet it seems to evade the ridicule reserved for poor old Ultimate Frisbee. I mean, obviously you’re asking for it if you stick the word ‘Ultimate’ in your sport’s name (a sport which, let’s not forget, is lacking the most vital ingredient in any team sport – namely a ball) and expect not to be the laughingstock of the entire sporting world, but then again, it’s completely original and at least it has people doing fucking cool dives (tiny.cc/jtz76) from time to time.

 

 

Yeah, have fun pivoting on one foot and not being allowed to shoot once you receive this ball.

 

Continue reading

Exciting New Poll

Arsenal 6 – 0 SC Braga

6-0?

Ok, it’s been a while since my last Arsenal rant/gloat. Yes, they basically only come in those two distinct categories. This one will, as you may have guessed from the title, take the form of the latter. And oh my, what a lot of gloating I’m going to be doing. I really can’t wait.

Did you fucking see this match!? Have you ever seen such ridonkulously sexy football in your life? All the pre-match talk was injuries this, dirty northern cunts that. But did it matter that we had Robin, Theo, Abou, and the Verminator all out of action? Oh, and Bendtner (ha!). Did it fuck! We just really showed today this whole fucking ‘Arsenal lack strength in depth’ nonsense was an absolute pile of wank. Can Chamakh (my bitch up) fill in for Robin? Adequately. As can Vela, as he proved by scoring two in the 27 minutes he was on the pitch.Is there cover for Theo? Yes there is, it comes in the form of, well, anyone really. Today it was Samir Nasri, and then Emanuel ‘We’ve only come to see’ Eboue, who’s well on his way to replacing Freddie Ljungberg as the fan’s favourite de nos jours. Diaby? Got that one sorted, his name’s Jackie Wilshere, he’s only 18 and he’s got a bloody England call-up. And the one I was most worried about, Tommy Vermaelen? Yeah, it turns out Squillaci was a fucking good buy. Solid as the fucking hard-on the Gunners gave me on Wednesday night. Continue reading

The Jerk Circle Presents: 60 THINGS A GIRL WOULD WANT BUT WON’T ASK FOR

Have you ever had a girlfriend? If you have, you’ll realise that girls often want things, and although nothing would please you more than to provide them, sometimes they don’t even ask. My girlfriend wanted me to hug her once, but she didn’t say anything, and we broke up. That never would have happened if I’d known about this Facebook group:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/145629021777/?fref=ts

What did I do? What didn’t I do?

If I’d read that, I would have known to sit on her and tell her I loved her, and pick her up like in The Notebook, and give her one of my sweatshirts. That’s the sort of good grounding a relationship needs. But at The Jerk Circle, we want to go further. Those 60 are a good start, but from our combined experience with the ladies (which by the way is a LOT) we’ve come up with a further 60 Things a Girl Would Want But Won’t Ask For, which help to keep your woman happy, even when she’s not asking for things. Read these carefully (no skipping!). They could save your ass.

Continue reading

The Seven Circles of Jerk Hell