Archive for the ‘ DannyMoran ’ Category

An Apology

Luther? More like, err, erm, I got nothing

God I love TV, I like it more than any of my own family or friends. Bloody hell I like it more than I like myself. I don’t give a fuck about the Israel-Palestine conflict, but I do care when Mad Men series 5 is going to air… Gaddafi can do what he likes as long as he doesn’t interfere with Boardwalk Empire’s production… and by all means increase tuition fees as long as it doesn’t mess with Doctor Who’s scheduling.

Like most people I favour the big-budget American shows, be they HBO or HBO-esque ones. It’s just an empirical fact that they’re better – better production, better direction, better writing, just plain better. My most recent fix was Game of Thrones, a show that combined my two passions of involving drama and unnecessarily naked women. However with that gone, and with most of the truly good shows not returning until autumn, I found myself at something of a loss. As such I turned my attention to what old Blighty had to offer in the quality drama stakes. What I discovered was Luther, one of the BBC’s most popular and high profile shows of recent months, which last Tuesday concluded its second series.

The show centres around the character of John Luther, played by The Wire’s Idris Elba, an intelligent, tough, morally unbending detective, as he hunts only the most grizzly and gratuitious of serial killers. He’s a good man in a bad world who goes outside the law to keep the law or something like that. I should establish at this point that Luther, as in the show itself, is really bad, it’s almost so bad it’s good, but it’s actually so bad it’s bad.

Luther taking a well earned rest

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Skins’ Condition: A Speculative Look at the Upcoming Fifth Series

 

From left to right - Alex Arnold, Dakota Blue Richards, Sean something, and blah blah blah a bunch of people no-one's heard of

 

Next year, a new series of the loud and confused teen drama Skins will stumble onto our screens, giggling and smelling unwashed. If you’re not aware of it, Skins is a bizarre show about a bunch of teenagers in Bristol and their riotous misadventures. Someone wanted to make a show about the difficulties of growing up in the modern age, with a strong emotional core, and someone else wanted to make a surreal and wild romp with slapstick humour and celebrity cameos, and they both got together and decided to reconcile their approaches by doing them both simultaneously, but turned up to 11. It should be unwatchable, but it tries so hard and it’s so enthusiastic that you can help but be swept along, like when a child shows you her 3-page story about angry goats and declares it to be her magnum opus.

Skins is so keen to remain hip and with-it that every two series it chucks out the entire cast and replaces them with younger models, mostly unknowns drawn from an open casting call. Series 5 will see the entrance of the third bunch, and speculation has been rife as to what they would be like. Now, thanks to someone’s possibly unwise decision, we know: they’ve been cast, and their pictures are up on the website, with a little voting button so people can let E4 know what they think of them. The purpose of this vote is mysterious, since they are not likely to be replaced just because some strangers don’t like their faces, but nevertheless it’s there – and unfortunately the public is not a big fan of the new cast of Skins. Only 16% of the more than 23,000 votes have been positive for the cast as whole. Displeased teens must be stifling their gag reflexes up and down the country.

Is this bunch really that unappealing? And how much can we learn from them about content of the new series? Here at The Jerk Circle we’ve given the matter some thought, and come up with our own evaluation of the new Skins cast. We disdain such crude measures as simple percentage points, so we offer a more detailed examination of their appearance, including a guess at their character’s name and what their role in the show will be. A crucial aspect of Skins characters is their home-life, which is invariably troubled and almost always involves a seasoned comic actor playing a weirdly straight role as a parent – so we’ve taken a stab at predicting that as well. Continue reading

The Jerk Circle Presents: 60 THINGS A GIRL WOULD WANT BUT WON’T ASK FOR

Have you ever had a girlfriend? If you have, you’ll realise that girls often want things, and although nothing would please you more than to provide them, sometimes they don’t even ask. My girlfriend wanted me to hug her once, but she didn’t say anything, and we broke up. That never would have happened if I’d known about this Facebook group:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/145629021777/?fref=ts

What did I do? What didn’t I do?

If I’d read that, I would have known to sit on her and tell her I loved her, and pick her up like in The Notebook, and give her one of my sweatshirts. That’s the sort of good grounding a relationship needs. But at The Jerk Circle, we want to go further. Those 60 are a good start, but from our combined experience with the ladies (which by the way is a LOT) we’ve come up with a further 60 Things a Girl Would Want But Won’t Ask For, which help to keep your woman happy, even when she’s not asking for things. Read these carefully (no skipping!). They could save your ass.

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The Golden Compass? More like The Golden Shower!-Yeh I’m losing it…

Yeah I realise this movie came out three years ago but I’m the type to hold a grudge – perhaps this article will provide some closure on the matter, we’ll see. Oh and there’s probably gonna be a shitload of spoilers about the book so stop reading this and start reading that if you haven’t already.

Talking Polar Bear

OK so the “His Dark Materials” trilogy by Philip Pullman is probably the best set of fantasy books ever written. They trump “The Lord of the Rings” by not having endless pages of songs about elves, and “Harry Potter” by having a central character that does actually have a character. They’re full of ideas, compelling characters, intricate plotting and talking polar bears for crying out loud – what more could you possibly want? A decent film adaptation? Yeah, me too. Continue reading

The Seven Circles of Jerk Hell

Jake you must be a mad man if you don’t like “Mad Men”? Yeh I’m hilarious…

In response to Jake’s anti “Mad Men” rant I have written the following, hope you enjoy:

“Mad men” is great. Really great. I’ll admit that it doesn’t have the same hook as other contemporary shows it’s often grouped with, I mean if I hadn’t watched any TV in the last 10 years and somebody asked me what would I rather see a TV show about New Jersey gangsters, a drugs war in Baltimore or some ad men in the 1960’s, the latter would undeniably be my third choice. The thing that sets it apart from the other two shows, and also I think what turns the J-dawg off it, is that it’s by no means a show that grabs you by the balls, it’s a show that buys you a few drinks first, asks you about your day and then before you know it it’s unhooked your bra and got its hands down your pants but by this point you don’t care because you’re in love with it. Continue reading