Archive for the ‘ Daztown ’ Category

An Apology

Why Dead Rappers Are Really Great: J Dilla

Typical clothing for a J Dilla fan.

It doesn't look good with any of my jackets.

J Dilla. Under-rated by the masses, over-rated by the posers, and as of his death in ’06, often-desecrated but never dated. The producer/rapper/genius was responsible for rather a lot of awesome, awesome hip hop. When he was but a young’un (he was notable on the underground scene at the age of 16) he was producing shit for the likes of Busta Rhymes, Janet Jackson, ATCQ, Q-Tip, De La Soul, Common, Pharcyde, and a whole bunch of others. Did you do that shit when you were that age? Was Jay-Z kickin’ it with the masters that young? Admittedly, he started Roc-A-Fella Records at 26 or so, but fuck him, this is about Jay Dee.

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Why Dead Rappers Are Really Great: Gil Scott-Heron

Dramatisation.

I don’t know if you’re reading this in silence but I’m writing it in silence. I’m in mourning.

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Why Dead Rappers Are Really Great: Week 2 – Notorious BIG

Before we get into it, I’ll lay down some hip-hop history.

Notorious BIG, pictured here in 17th Century France.

Biggie, AKA Biggie Smalls, AKA BIG, AKA Frank White, AKA The Notorious, AKA Cillit Bang was a rapper who was so bad-ass he was signed to a record label called ‘Bad Boy’. As a fat, unattractive, freakishly tall child, Biggie had little else to do but rap in the mean streets of Brooklyn.

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The Jerk Circle Presents: 60 THINGS A GIRL WOULD WANT BUT WON’T ASK FOR

Have you ever had a girlfriend? If you have, you’ll realise that girls often want things, and although nothing would please you more than to provide them, sometimes they don’t even ask. My girlfriend wanted me to hug her once, but she didn’t say anything, and we broke up. That never would have happened if I’d known about this Facebook group:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/145629021777/?fref=ts

What did I do? What didn’t I do?

If I’d read that, I would have known to sit on her and tell her I loved her, and pick her up like in The Notebook, and give her one of my sweatshirts. That’s the sort of good grounding a relationship needs. But at The Jerk Circle, we want to go further. Those 60 are a good start, but from our combined experience with the ladies (which by the way is a LOT) we’ve come up with a further 60 Things a Girl Would Want But Won’t Ask For, which help to keep your woman happy, even when she’s not asking for things. Read these carefully (no skipping!). They could save your ass.

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I’ve never seen ‘Mad Men’ so I ain’t even mad, man.

Unless you’ve been spending the last few days with your fingers in your ears singing “LALALALA I CAN’T HEAR YOU” to yourself loudly whilst blindfolded and also in a cupboard, and that cupboard is on Mars, then you will have seen an especially sickwanz article on Mad Men by our very own Bunk. Assuming you’ve seen this and were not seized with fits of apoplectic rage and consequently incapacitated and/or so seethingly angry that you became literally blind with fury, or conversely were struck dumb and senseless by the sheer beauty of it, then you would have seen D-Mo’s hilariously titled rebuttal.

I have never seen Mad Men, and as a consequence, both articles, though beautifully written, very witty, and a joy to read, mean very little to me.

(Fig. 1, The Fresh Prince depicting a state of indifference)

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The Seven Circles of Jerk Hell