Why Dead Rappers Are Really Great: J Dilla

Typical clothing for a J Dilla fan.

It doesn't look good with any of my jackets.

J Dilla. Under-rated by the masses, over-rated by the posers, and as of his death in ’06, often-desecrated but never dated. The producer/rapper/genius was responsible for rather a lot of awesome, awesome hip hop. When he was but a young’un (he was notable on the underground scene at the age of 16) he was producing shit for the likes of Busta Rhymes, Janet Jackson, ATCQ, Q-Tip, De La Soul, Common, Pharcyde, and a whole bunch of others. Did you do that shit when you were that age? Was Jay-Z kickin’ it with the masters that young? Admittedly, he started Roc-A-Fella Records at 26 or so, but fuck him, this is about Jay Dee.

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Why Dead Rappers Are Really Great: Gil Scott-Heron

Dramatisation.

I don’t know if you’re reading this in silence but I’m writing it in silence. I’m in mourning.

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What’s in the Box Office?

It’s been ages since I went to see a film. During Oscar season I was all up in cinema’s grill and kept up with everything, so when the results came out I had a surfeit of opinions which everyone had to tolerate me spewing into their faces whenever I had the opportunity – but recently I’ve haven’t even been reading the taglines on bus stop posters, let alone going out and watching the movies they’re advertising. I’ve made no effort to keep up with discussions in the media – I haven’t listened to Kermode’s podcast in months, and Claudia Winkleman could have been flogged by tramps and I wouldn’t have the foggiest. As a result, the films in the cinema at the moment are a mystery to me even in the vaguest outlines of their plots. For all I know, the top spot at the box office is occupied by a Mexican thriller about an old florist, with a romantic comedy set deep in the Earth’s upper mantle hot on its heels.

As far as I’m concerned, however, The Jerk Circle has a cultural obligation to advise its readers, even instruct them, on how best to spend their free time. If you’re bored of an evening, and you’re thinking about stepping out to your local filmerie to see what’s on, you shouldn’t even put your pants on until you’ve read the carefully considered views of one of our writers. And I see no reason why complete ignorance should be a barrier to any of us forming some extremely strong opinions. Therefore I’ve examined the listings, seen what’s bringing the punters in at the moment, and I offer my thoughts, based on the title and what I like to call my ‘mantuition’. I’ll offer a brief plot synopsis (warning: there may be spoilers!), followed by my verdict.*

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Borges meets Bukowski: A run down Pretension Street

«Desvarío laborioso y empobrecedor el de componer vastos libros; el de explayar en quinientas páginas una idea cuya perfecta exposición oral cabe en pocos minutos»

Well, that’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it.

 

Ch 1- Dexter Blackstock lay back, groaning. Shit, he thought, did I give enough warning when I shot my load? Only if a couple of bursts of Oh FUCK about a millisecond beforehand counts.

What a cunt.

Hi couldn’t help but giggle as her slightly teary eyes made for hy chest. A couple of neck kisses, and then silence, ostensibly contented but who could be sure? A guilty forehead kiss – too patronising? Fuck it, let’s go to sleep. Continue reading

Men Are From Arse: “He’s Just Not That Into You”

Welcome to The Jerk Circle’s Book Club. This week, or month or however long until someone writes another one of these, we’ll be reading He’s Just Not [emphasis in original] That Into You, a book about relationships between men and women (the book does not attempt to explain how gays behave). A lot of fuss is made about relationships, says the book, but most of this is just the confused and helpless fartings of lovelorn women, unable to think straight with their knickers so tightly twisted. Here to help are modern independent professionals Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo, who take a surgical scalpel to the tumescent, throbbing boil of modern relationships, oozing out this fundamental truth – he’s not treating you nice because he basically doesn’t like you very much. The cure, according to them, is to immediately tell the cowardly, callous fuck exactly where to get off, and remain single until you meet someone else, at which point either they are perfect or you repeat this process.

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Fat Tony: MTV does Skins

You know what I’m sick of? British TV shows. The budget is small, they run for about 3 episodes a season and get cancelled after a year and a half, the whole cast is ugly, and they all talk in completely different and equally incomprehensible accents. Sometimes the premise is good, maybe some elements of the story and the script work quite well, but by the time the credits roll (far too early – where are the commercial breaks?) I’m always left feeling a little empty. You may disagree, but I’m not alone, and I thank Christ for the producers in the United States who understand how I and others like me feel. If they spot a grain of potential in Britain’s television output, do they lazily just take it and screen it overseas to a new audience? Of course not. They realise what a hopelessly cheap and unattractive product they have on their hands, compared to their native shows, and so they decide to give it the coat of thick gloss it needs and deserves. A few million dollars down the line, British television can finally stand proud (albeit with an entirely new cast and crew), safe in the arms of a superior industry.

The latest show to be adopted, Oliver-Twist-like, by rich and successful American TV, is the Bristolian teen drama Skins. MTV acquired the rights and have been busy making their own version. Recently they released a trailer for it, giving us a pretty good look at what this new show is going to be like, and I have examined it with my laser eye of appraisal to see how good a job they did.

Did you enjoy Skins, but were annoyed that Tony wasn’t American? Did you have similar feelings about Sid, Michelle, and indeed every other character? MTV’s Skins is the show for you. Continue reading

Netball – The World’s Most Pointless Sport?

Say what you like about Ultimate Frisbee, but there’s no denying that it is unique. It may not count as a sport if you play rugby or football, but there is no other team game out there which is played with a Frisbee. Netball, however, has a vastly superior and far cooler older brother called basketball, of which everyone in the world is aware, and yet it seems to evade the ridicule reserved for poor old Ultimate Frisbee. I mean, obviously you’re asking for it if you stick the word ‘Ultimate’ in your sport’s name (a sport which, let’s not forget, is lacking the most vital ingredient in any team sport – namely a ball) and expect not to be the laughingstock of the entire sporting world, but then again, it’s completely original and at least it has people doing fucking cool dives (tiny.cc/jtz76) from time to time.

 

 

Yeah, have fun pivoting on one foot and not being allowed to shoot once you receive this ball.

 

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